For the last couple of days, I have been in need of a pick-me-up. I can't exactly put my finger on it, but I just don't feel like my usual bubbly, inspired self. Do you ever have days like that? We live in an instant gratification culture, which isn't a bad thing, but I do find myself being perplexed by a lingering lack of passion and no quick fix for it. Nothing remarkable is really wrong and I don't feel sad, but rather complacent, finding it hard to work as strongly and as passionately as I normally do.
After thinking/praying on it, I realized my propensity for avoiding hardship/negativity/reflection at all costs. Instead of allowing myself to feel the way I feel, to work through it and take the time I need, I would rather plow through it all and keep smiling. That really can't be healthy, can it?
It also likely stems from the comparison game to some degree. You know what I am referring to- the "I should have this person's life, I should have accomplished such-and-such by age 20, I should be more loving/friendly/pretty/smart/talented/skinnier." Rather than just be who I am and set realistic goals for myself, I catch myself striving for unattainable standards. It can truly stifle my creativity. I am somewhat ashamed to admit this, since I try to keep my perspective only on myself and not in relation to anyone else. And generally, I think I am pretty good at doing so. But I have my moments.
When I feel creatively frustrated or perplexed, I like to reference The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, by Julia Cameron. This book provides endless inspiration for me and methods for nuturing the artist in us and helping to develop creativity when we are at a loss. Here are a few affirmations from the book that I love and wanted to share with you:
When we open ourselves to exploring creativity, we open ourselves to God: good, orderly, direction. As we open our creative channel to the Creator, many gentle but powerful changes are to be expected.
I am a channel for God's creativity, and my work comes to good.
My dreams come from God, and God has the power to accomplish them.
As I create and listen, I will be led.
Creativity is the Creator's will for me.
My creativity heals myself and others.
I am allowed to nurture my artist.
Through the use of a few simple tools, my creativity will flourish.
Through the use of my creativity, I serve God.
My creativity always leads me to truth and love.
My creativity leads me to forgiveness and self-forgiveness.
There is a divine plan of goodness for me.
There is a divine plan of goodness for my work.
As I mentioned earlier, I also often turn to God and reflect/wait/listen. I like to keep an open dialogue with Him. (Note: I am cognizant of the fact that there are many different belief systems out there, and that each of our paths to finding bigger purposes are unique and special. I would also like to note that I enjoy drinking vodka and have had my share of "Unchristian-ly" moments, so please don't think that I am perfect or that I think I'm perfect because I am referencing my religion.)
And I've been working to give up my need to control everything, including my feelings from day to day, and I am working to be more kind to myself, and let the creativity flow when it will. Because I have seen similar posts on this topic, I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I think it's time our generation gave up the desire to be "perfect", and instead strived to be ourselves. Each of us have an individual creativity and talent unlike anyone else. And we all have bad days. It's normal.
"As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit." -Emmanuel Teney
Thanks for letting me vent a bit, today. I know I don't typically get too personal on my blog, but I wanted to share with you what I'm going through to keep things authentic. Tomorrow we will be back with normal programming! :)