Admittedly, the last year of my life hasn't exactly gone according to plan. I remember Bri talking about how 27 is a weird age, and I'd have to agree. Of course my own personal experiences have uniquely shaped that belief, but it feels like there's a strong pressure to have "figured yourself out" and laid the ground work for your 30s, yet there are still so many things in limbo. So many articles these days talk about how aimless 20-somethings are, and my own desire to feel productive and achieved can get me down when I admit to still feeling a bit lost. After a failed marriage and a pretty quick but intense relationship soon after that, heartbreak has been a common thread for my 27th year. However, I don't think I could be openly talking about it with you if I didn't feel like I was in a much better, peaceful place having survived that. I suppose there was always a "plan" I envisioned for my life, and now that things have ended up differently, there is such a feeling of freedom- like suddenly there isn't a script for my life anymore and I am literally walking out in to the abyss with frightening excitement. I think Lana del Rey says it best in her song "Ride" -
"But I didn't really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it, to know what true freedom is."
I hate to say it because it's so incredibly cliche, but I think the difficulties of the past year have helped shape me in to a better person. In the process of searching for self-love and compassion to meet my own circumstances, I've found a strong empathy for others who are battling as well. I was lucky enough to have some really great friends that helped me pick up the pieces and shower me with grace when I was pretty low, and when you've experienced love like that, you can't help but want to pay it forward. Similarly, I've learned to relax the expectations I used to put on others to meet the needs I need to be meeting for myself, and it's allowed me to just relish my friendships and relationships for what they are. Do I still feel lost, and at times lonely? Of course. Like I said, this is uncharted territory for me and I'm learning as I go. But today I feel more like myself than I have in a very long time, and that's worth celebrating. I felt like checking in on a personal note was a good way to end the week, and I want to encourage anyone who feels a bit confused or down to keep going. The best way out is always through.